“How do you do it? How do you just accept that HE is with HER this weekend?”

The accusatory tone of the speaker was jarring. I was explaining that I’m in a poly relationship. That the man I love already had a married lover when he met me. That I didn’t even know he had “liked me liked me” at first. But when I found out, my world shifted and I suddenly found myself in the most wonderful loving healthy relationship of my life.

The skepticism was obvious on this person’s face when I mentioned my sweetheart was away visiting his lover and that no, I was not jealous of their relationship. Their connection had been going on a year + before I ever met any of them.

“I would NEVER be with a partner who slept around. If he’s mine, he’s mine only.” She said this with a harumph. 

Ahhhh there it was. The ever prevalent society accepted idea that we “own” our partners in any way shape or form. 

​When I was a little girl, I made up this game called “Escaping”. Originally inspired by the stories of the Underground Railroad, and the book “Roots”, it quickly evolved into something very, very, different. More personal.

The basic premise is exactly what you might think. I’m the protagonist being held against my will, in a world I don’t want to be in. And despite all the odds, I manage to - with a lot of athletic ability, ingenuity, aid from fantastical creatures, and a few bouts of rather unrealistic luck -  break free to live my life however I wish.

I never do continue the game once I break free. Instead, in an endless cycle of repetition, the moment I’ve conquered all, the game “resets” and I start all over.

It’s been years since I played the game. Yet a part of me realized recently, that it never really ended. In a sense I’ve been playing a rather adult version of this game my whole life.

——-

​I’m about to let you in on a little secret I’ve been keeping:

Every time a woman does a post of themselves cooking and puts a caption “wife me up” with a cute heart eyes emoji and a simpering smile, I want to vomit in my mouth a little.

The struggle not to, is real. 

Because I wonder to myself, is this truly ALL women aspire to in 2024? 

We can be scientists, athletes, politicians, creators, artists, photographers, agricultural goddesses, writers, entrepreneurs, inventors, poets, professors, researchers, lawyers, surgeons, conservationists, sustainability leaders, jewelers, architects, philosophers, painters, engineers, deep sea divers, pilots…seriously our possibilities are limitless. 

Sometimes I wonder if anyone out there thinks about the world the same way I do. 

Once upon a time, a sweetheart of mine nicknamed me "Alice". He said witnessing me in the world was like watching a character in a story step through the proverbial looking glass or fall down a rabbit hole.

That my perspective was so full of wonder and curiosity, that it made him worried I didn't see the world clearly with all it's ugliness too.

But I do see it clearly, I simply choose to emphasize it's beauty most of the time in the hopes of inspiring more.

Yet sometimes...I wonder...

​Public: open to or shared by all the people of an area or country. (Oxford English Dictionary)

We seem to be having a severe language issue in the United States. To quote from one of the greatest movies of all time, when I hear the word “public” used in connection with the word “access”, I often find myself thinking:

I do not think that word means what you think it means” – (Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride)

You see, when I think of the word “public”, images of libraries and city parks comes to mind. Museums like the Smithsonians in DC. Picnics at national lakes. Education being available through schools in the community.

All of these are PLACES that as a citizen of the United States of America I get (mostly) free and (fairly) unrestricted access to. Nowhere in this imagery do I see…

My BODY.

Yet somehow somehow society at large has accepted the false assumption that the nameless faceless “THEY” have the RIGHT to access my BODY. Others are making decisions that attempt to disempower my autonomy over my physical self.