Ironically, now that I am safe, in a happy and loving romantic situation, building a life in a warm, welcoming, accepting community, both the anxiety and eating disorder have escalated. That’s not unusual.
Known as “decompression” or “safety paradox”, this phenomenon occurs because the lessening of the major stressors give space for the previously suppressed emotions or reactions to surface more readily. Let’s face it. No one has the luxury of dealing with your issues when stuck in survival mode. So it makes sense, that shizzle comes up when you feel safe.
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Once upon a time, I kept a diary filled with all the usual childhood nonsense. Dreams and hopes. Frustrations and confusions. The normal part of small human trying to make sense of the world. It held my most private precious thoughts. Secrets of my still forming soul, and the trials and tribulations of my heart.
I was an imaginative child, but the diary held my truths as I learned and grew. It was a special space, safe to pour out my thoughts. Until it wasn’t.
I tried to be a good friend and listen. But the conversation felt eerily familiar. Once upon a time, I was someone’s everything. And as a result, for the second of three times in my short life, I had nearly died.
Never again did I want to be anyone’s whole world. ———————————--
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AuthorTink, world traveler, positivity muse, and adult entertainer, has also freelance written for a number of companies as their ghostwriter. Now talking directly to YOU on this platform, she is also writing two books at her community's request. Archives
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