In Hot Water

I was sitting on the floor of my shower. Hot water running down my back, knees curled up, face buried in them.
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For the 100th time I wondered how I had gotten into this mess. The tears streaming down my face were indistinguishable from the water dripping from my hair…I was just so damn tired and then…

This memory could have been attributed to at least a dozen points in my life. Moments when I felt lost, despair, frustrated, confused, angry…all the normal human emotions we don’t like to talk about. But they exist. Oh fuck how they exist. Even among the happiest of us, some days feel like a lot.

But this particular moment, I remember thinking the depths of emotion were just too much. (Imagine yourself a dramatic back of the hand to the forehead moment here…with a ginormous sigh for good measure.) I was beyond exhausted. And I spoke these words aloud:

“One thing. I want one thing to be happy about dammit!”

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