And I would LOVE to see us applauding and uplifting one another with society EMPOWERING us to make courageous life choices. But instead we create viral trends on social media of women pandering to a potential partner with “look I can be the best servant to you because I know how to cook and clean”. I’m utterly flabbergasted that this is a thing. FULL DISCLAIMER HERE: I am NOT throwing any shade on the institution of marriage. I am NOT saying it is a bad thing to be a wife or a mother or a stay at home domestic goddess. I am definitely not condemning loving mutually beneficial monogamous partnerships. I AM however putting on full blast that we have failed the next generation. That instead of focusing attention on their bodies, and telling fems to be terrified of aging and being “unlovable”, that we SHOULD be teaching our girls to dream bigger and better. And we totally need to teach them these truths: We do not exist solely to be of service to others. We are not born to be helpers to man. I’ll even let in on a secret. That whole bit in the Bible saying Eve was made from Adam’s rib is bullshizzle. And if you take half a second to dig a bit deeper into the story, we even find that Eve was Adam’s SECOND wife. Yep, you heard me correctly. Adam fucked things up the first time around. And the powers that be granted him a do-over. Lilith was his first. And she left his sorry ass when he demanded that she “obey” him. (Legend says she grew wings and flew off. Talk about the original badass boss babe making an exit…right?) And in case we women didn’t get the message that Adam MUST be blameless for his failed first marriage, we are told that Lilith turns into a succubus and PREYS on innocent men. Which I promptly read as her becoming a very cool dominatrix. (In my mind she’s also gotta be the mythological mother of the fabled Amazon women-only tribes.) But they never tell us her story AFTER that because then they would have to admit that (SHOCK! HORROR!) she did NOT need Adam to be a fulfilled woman. HOWEVER, the Bible DOES continue HIS story. Because then Adam gets a second chance at love and what does he do? He gets all snivvley when the highest Court in the land catches him doing what he is told not to do. And instead of taking ownership of his actions, he begins blaming Eve for MAKING him eat the apple. Avoidance of responsibility much? If I was Eve, I’d be shaking my head right now asking the snake if he knows any good divorce lawyers. I mean Eden IS supposed to have everything, after all. So yeah, all this religious nonsense about us women being born to (cue the music) “stand by your man” is based on a sad little story in which the guy can’t even think for himself, and then blames the girl. (“She made me do it!” HMMMMM if I am not mistaken, this is the same logic applied whenever one of us women tries to report being sexually assaulted by a man.) If I sound pissy, you’re sadly mistaken. I am JUSTIFIABLY ENRAGED. We are grooming our girls to be subservient to men. And it’s harming all the genders, and every type of relationship. “But Tink, aren’t you overreacting?” You might ask with a giggle. “I’m just showing off my talents?” Terrific. Good for you. Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Do it because you enjoy cooking. Not because you want to attract a spouse. Love keeping a clean home and organizing? Fab. Go you. But do it because it makes you happy. Not because you are catering to a man. This idea that we women are born and bred to be a “happy helper” for our mate needs to stop. Like full stop. Like immediately OMG the toxicity of this is choking me. Ladies go to the mirror right now and practice these affirmations: I am a fully autonomous human worthy and capable because I am fucking fabulous. My mission on this earth is NOT to stand behind some man, but to live a full and healthy life. Love the institution of marriage, and want to have a lifelong partner? Totally fine, and a valid life option. But don’t make yourself a servant and call it a marriage. Wake up girls. What they are teaching you from a young age is indentured servitude. But the last I checked, the era of blindly following the patriarchy has ended. (Not to mention, you don’t have to marry a man. Marry whoever you like. Or not. The choice is, and should always be, yours.) Honestly, I’m also still a bit confused how this “women as lessor beings” nonsense began. After all, many ancient cultures REVERED and VALUED woman and our role in a healthy society. But I digress. The more we affirm these stereotypes as the “happy little homemaker” who waits for the MAN to bring home the (hopefully vegan because factory farming piglets is so 1980s) bacon, the more it makes sense that politicians think it is OK to strip us of our rights… We already are being told we can’t have access to abortions. We are labeled “hysterical” if we have RIGHTEOUS anger over being abused. We are called bitches for being powerful leaders. And the pussy - which bleeds monthly yet we all keep working and living, AND pops out babies the size of watermelons out of a hole the size of a walnut - is used as a derogatory word to mean “weak”. (Weak? Are you kidding me? You try popping out a baby, boys. If you think it’s so “easy” make it your next party trick…any takers? I didn’t think so.) No wonder we are grabbed when out in public, punched in the face (wtf is up with that in the news lately?), condemned as the instigator because of our fashion choices when we are sexually assaulted, and denied access to healthcare. What’s next? Us losing the ability to vote? Us needing consent to be educated? Is anyone else as fucking pissed off as I am? So yes, I get a bit nauseous when I see women on the internet creating cute little videos saying “come get me baby and I’ll cook for you”…uhg. In the words of a famous Frank Zappa song, “gag me with a spoon”. Now I already hear the pushback. The insidious gossips who try to tell me that I ALSO am perpetuating the stereotype by saying “Hey Tink, you are an adult entertainer and so you pander to men too.” Fuck that argument. You don’t have a chance to win with that nonsense. But since you brought it up, let me EDUCATE you on what I ACTUALLY do. I AM indeed an adult entertainer in the exotic industry. I CONSENSUALLY and WILLING and INTENTIONALLY use my gifts - both physical and mental - as an experience creator to ENTERTAIN ANY human of ANY gender who enjoys that type of entertainment. It’s a JOB - one I thoroughly enjoy. I am NOT using it to attract a mate. I am NOT asking anyone to come and “rescue me” so I can be barefoot and preggo in the kitchen, admiring their muscles when they come home, and pretending I don’t have a brain. And should the job stop being lucrative, and/or, my enjoyment of it diminish, I will use my OTHER gifts and MANY talents to continue to make money in a different industry. So do not EVER have the audacity to tell me that I am in a career to attract a mate. I didn’t get my MULTIPLE degrees that I ALSO have, to get an M.R.S. So why would I use any career of mine in such a fashion? If I sound FIERCE in this post, it’s because I AM. It’s not anger. It’s every cell in my body SWIMMING in rage, that NOW as we are literally having our rights stripped from us left and right, that ANY WOMAN would WILLINGLY give up her power just so that a man will tell her HE has deemed her worthy. (Read that again. And if your blood isn’t boiling at the thought, then you must not have a pulse.) Ladies you already are worthy. As you are. However that may be. And no STRONG, CONFIDENT, secure in his identity male, will EVER need you to feel "less than” in order to attract his attention. And yes, these wonderful men exist. I know. I’ve met lots of enlightened men who adore women exactly for who we are, and RESPECT what we bring to the table. So if you ENJOY keeping house. Great. I admire you for it. And if you can’t seem to stop mixing your red clothes in with your whites in the laundry, so everything ends up pink, NBD either. But be you. FIERCELY. UNAPPOLOGETICALLY. POWERFULLY. And if you desire a partner, or two or three as the case may be, make sure he/she/it/they appreciate, value, respect, and admire, YOU as you are and however you choose to show up in the world. Because that's what you deserve. Period. Have something to say? Feel free to comment below. Want to support Tink's writings? Click the Cashapp link here to become a patron of her work!
2 Comments
Catherine
4/16/2024 03:36:25 pm
PREACH!!! Here is another fun fact to make you even more enraged: The religious right uses the story of Adam and Eve to argue that it is a lesson on what happens when men DON'T take charge in relationships. They agree that Adam behaved like a sniveling little weakling in the story but they turn it into an argument as to why men should have the power. Somehow Eve's allegedly poor behavior is used as the reason why women should submit and Adam's poor behavior is used as the reason men should be in charge. *FACEPALM* Anyway, I have always viewed Eve as the heroine of the story. Without her, we would be naked and bored in the Garden. I always say that Eve (literally LIFE in Hebrew) stands for the curiosity that prevents stagnation, a curiosity we should all cultivate and that should indeed propel us beyond the narrow confines of the shitty little helpmeet role to which some forces in our society still want to consign us.
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Tink (Author)
4/18/2024 07:55:20 am
I had no idea that was the argument used! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your interpretation of Eve's role though. I wonder if that was taken on as the prevailing idea, how the paradigm of the world - and women's roles in society - might shift?
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AuthorTink, world traveler, positivity muse, and adult entertainer, has also freelance written for a number of companies as their ghostwriter. Now talking directly to YOU on this platform, she is also writing two books at her community's request. Archives
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