The New Plague

​We are having a crisis in this country. I’m amazed that no one is actually talking about it. Oh sure you hear bits and pieces of it pop up in conversations. Usually as complaints about something personally related to them. But no one is talking about the bigger issue. The thing that has become so toxic, I’m constantly flabbergasted that we haven’t had an actually protest about it yet.

Do you know which issue I mean? No? Here’s a hint:

It’s a contamination of epic proportions and it’s affecting every decision we make and how we show up in the world to each other.

Still not getting it? 

I’m not surprised considering it’s been insidiously worming it’s way into our physical systems and social structures for some time now. To the point where most people don’t even know it’s a problem anymore. Practically everyone over the age of 18 is literally infected. And our youth are conditioned to think this is “normal health”.

It’s a dis-ease of adulthood. Or rather the lack of adulthood.

Put simply, we grownups are no longer allowed to be grownups and it’s poisoning us from the inside out.

​Take for example social media. We can’t say “sex”, “porn”, “fuck”, or we violate community guidelines and (someone’s) sense of “decency”. But I find it way more disgusting that I have to censor my speech - geared towards my adult community - because of a backwards committee basing their conventions on Puritanical values that I don’t subscribe to. Ironically, I would bet some of the same people making those rules are my subscribers - or subscribe to sites like mine.

Instead I am reduced to say “skripper” for stripper, “smex” for “sex”, “corn” for “porn” (which is making  me look funny at one of my favorite veggies, wondering what is happening out in the fields). I can no longer talk body positivity freely either because apparently bodies are taboo. At least mine is, as a woman.

The funny (not so much) thing is, these community guidelines are done under the guise of “save the children”. But all of us give our ages when we sign up for these sites. So why not simply have a box that says our content is “For 18 and older” so we grownups can actually have real conversations? Oh wait? Because “adults only” has been twisted and perverted to mean something shameful and dirty, instead of normal and healthy.

It’s fascinating how quickly the affliction circulated too. One day it was “free the nipple” and the next day we were all talking a garbled sounding baby talk about natural human desires and the most normal bodily functions. 

And as soon as we succumbed to our speech being restricted something crazy happened. The scourge spread. Books are being banned left and right. Roe vs Wade is overturned by the Supreme Court. We can’t say “gay” in some states, and slut shaming of women is on the rise. 

Suddenly it’s okay to not be okay with us being the beautiful humans we are in all our different flavors, and instead vanilla is king. But only if we get cute about it and call it “banilla” so no one knows what we are saying.

Except we all do.

And that’s the worst part of this outbreak It’s proliferating so rapidly that it’s already mutated our language, our relationships, and our sense of self.

It’s 2023, almost 2024, and this contamination is sending us backwards, but not to the cool pagan times when women were respected as priestesses. Nope, we are heading for the Dark Ages peeps, and I for one am a bit worried for the next generation.

Take the the language of dating for example. We have hookups, friends with benefits, one night stands, last call leavers, and cuffing season. Why are we no longer calling it what it is? 

Sex. 

Good old fashioned sex. Sex outside of the conventions of a ring on anyone’s finger. Which is fun and passionate and comes in all sorts of packaging. But no one will admit it because this parasite degrading adulthood has mandated that the only acceptable form of sexual interaction comes with a rather outdated institution called marriage. And only if we are willing to procreate.

So let me get this straight. We have these incredible bodies that are capable of loving and being loved, of giving and receiving pleasure. But the only acceptable way to use them is to populate an already overcrowded world? 

And if we do share them with others outside of the confines of a certificate - that isn’t worth the paper it’s written because not everyone is even allowed to get it - we are considered promiscuous, slutty, and whorish. If you are female at least. Men get a pat on the back and “you dawg you”.

So we have developed all this innocent sounding language to deflect from the reality that two consensual adults decided to get intimate for whatever reason they wish. Because heaven help us if we call a spade a spade anymore.

What’s worse is that instead of celebrating our passions, we couch them in terms that make them sound dirty and demeaning. Or like they are some sort of secret, that everyone knows, but only whispers about.

The advance of this absurd phenomenon has become dangerous. We now have double-speak tainting our sense of appropriateness, as well as right and wrong. 

Have you heard of consensual touch? It’s the idea that “no” really does mean no, and that we all have the right to tell someone to be hands-off. But since this contagion has escalated, “no” no longer indicates “keep your fucking hands off me”. Instead it MIGHT mean “no”, but it depends.

On what you are wearing.
If you are considered attractive.
Whether you’ve had any alcohol, drugs, or ice cream. (Licking a cone is considered lascivious apparently.)
How many times you’ve had sex before. With anyone, not just that person.
What your gender is.
Whether anyone else agrees with your self-identified gender.
If you said “yes” first and then changed your mind.

And on and on. I wish these ideas were the angry rantings of a deliriously sick human. Because they sound ludicrous which makes me wonder if the disease is causing me to hallucinate.

Did I really just have someone ask if I secretly wanted my assailant to sexually assault me? Are they implying that I don’t have the capacity to know my own mind, or govern my own body?

By the way, to all my readers who suddenly think this is sounding a bit female centric - which makes sense because I am a CIS female and write from my own experience - it’s NOT just women being adversely affected by this plague.

This is killing off any sense of authentic interactions between ALL adults. Male, female, nonbinary, trans, gay, straight, bisexual, etc. We can’t talk to each other anymore without pretending like we are a) doing something wrong, or b) discussing the act or body parts like we are kids learning about the birds and the bees for the first time. And there is nothing more of a turnoff than when a man cannot communicate his desires to me in bed because he doesn’t know what terms are safe to use. 

I’ll give you a hint. If you call your dick a “p.p.” I will unequivocally be not only turned off, but push your ass out the door - dressed or not. I’m not interested in someone who addresses his own body part using the same language as a preschooler. 

But I don’t blame people for not knowing that this is not grownup behavior. Because when we have to put dashes between letters to not get banned on social media (s—x), it’s hard to know what terms won’t get us in trouble IRL. 

Even worse, the next generation is being GROOMED to think of eroticism, passion or sexual desire is a taboo subject. Take the word “degrade” (*1) for example. When I Googled the definition recently after I heard it used in conjunction with my work, I found this:

​Google gets it’s definitions and examples from Oxford Languages who puts out the Oxford English Dictionary. Therefore we can conclude that one of the most respected publications in the world, and accepted as the quintessential standard for understanding the English language has chosen to consciously put forth an example that condemns eroticism rather vocally. Furthermore, notice how the subject of the sentence is a “she”, subtly implying that no righteous woman would ever take erotic pictures, nor be associated with such.

However, fortunately, there is a cure. It starts with some simple mantras. So practice saying this with me:

• I am an adult.
  
• I do not need permission to call body parts by their names.
  
• Bodies are not shameful, and sex is not a harmful word.
  
• I choose to have discussions with other grownups in which I don’t sound like I just came out of preschool.​
  
• I am capable of making decisions and know my own mind when it comes to interacting with others.

​I get it may take a while. But with a little practice, I think we might inoculate ourselves from whatever strain of this virus comes next. And maybe then adults will be able to act as grownups once again.

One can only hope.

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​Footnotes:
*1   www.google.com/search?q=define+degrade

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