Case in point. Despite them being quite common, I’m not on dating apps. This swipe right or left mentality reminds me of walking into a bargain basement candy store and being overwhelmed by the neon artificial sweets. They look pretty, but lack in quality once you get past the initial greeting.
And picking up people in bars or clubs? Again not my style. I liken those to the cheaply made, overpriced, imitation snack bars at cash registers. They look great when you’re hungry. Yet eaten in a rush, and in the glaring light of next morning, all that’s left is a bloated stomach and an unsightly wrapper on your floor that you can barely remember how it got there. Nope, the grab and bag is not my idea of a good time - in my mouth or in my bed (take that as you will).
Certainly I hear people complain that meeting others organically is hard, and it’s no wonder that they feel this way. Go for a simple walk in your neighborhood and you’ll find that most people don’t even nod a hello anymore. Oblivious, so engrossed in their phones as they shuffle along, they could be alone for all they would notice. And that’s if you find people walking at all. Unless there is a dog towing them forward, the evening unwind or Sunday stroll seems to have fallen by the wayside.
Made worse is that society tells us that we are valueless when not in a coupled state. We are peer pressured to find the “perfect” person beautifully wrapped in all the latest acceptable trappings to assure us they are a quality prospect. Don’t believe me? Scroll thru your social media and let your eyes be bombarded with ads that reinforce these ideas.
The message is ingrained in us that we must find someone NOW, yesterday is preferable, and commit to them in one ginormous rush before they are snatched up by someone else. And so this leads to a fast dating culture in which a dinner becomes an interview, a night in the bedroom is the trial run, and a second date commits you to the brand they have presented to you. This Black Friday slick salesman mentality though - seal the deal before someone else does - often leaves a bitter taste of buyer’s remorse in your psyche. But hey…returns or exchanges take too much time and energy. So we settle for the cheap imitation of a real relationship, rather than explore and find something of substance.
Although I love the occasional glitz and glamour facade for its suggestion of opulence - real or otherwise - I’m simply not a dine and dash kinda girl. I realize this seems a bit unusual in today’s fast paced world. A beau of mine once complained that he found it “distasteful” that I didn’t reveal all of my secrets, likes, dislikes, history - in short all the nuances and layers that make me unique - right when we started dating. He felt entitled to know everything about me immediately so he could dissect, analyze, judge, and devour the essence of me as quickly as possible. Once laid bare for his scrutiny, if I was lacking in meeting all his needs, he could also just as fast reject me like bad Halloween candy.
As unappetizing as I find that mentality, growing up immersed in this way of life, I totally understand where he was coming from. In an age of flash and glitter, we are used to being “shown” everything we could possible want or desire, and then told to hurry up and nab it before it is gone, gone, gone. Though frequently those very things which claim to reveal themselves to us instantaneously, have not much to offer behind the elaborate outer trappings. So call me a bit old fashioned, but I have a taste for the slower, sensual, exploration of life’s pleasures.
Hence my love of truly decadent chocolate. Yet the creation of such a delight is an art which will soon be lost if we don’t slow down, and savor the experience of desiring it, preparing it, sharing it, indulging in it, and finally luxuriating in its afterglow. In short, if we accept the hastily made shizzle as real - which gulping down we barely taste - we may soon lose our ability to relish the unparalleled titillation one gets from this luscious treat.
Which leads me to the bedroom. The scintillating site of so much sensational stimulation…and sadly it too is becoming a fast food experience in which one chooses from a menu of options, consumes in a rush, and discards the remains immediately afterwards. We are missing out on the experience of relishing a new partner, learning his, her, or their distinct uniqueness , and neglecting to savor the luxury of sharing an intimate encounter which is such a gift to both.
Ironically the very thing we adulterated - cacoa, the main ingredient in this delicious aphrodisiac - is a libido booster. The perfect accompaniment to a night (or day) of fun, chocolate and sex have some of the same health benefits. Both are said to (*1, *2, *3):
However instead of enjoying these wonderful attributes, we fabricate a gluttonous mockery on both accounts which results in the exact opposite of what each could provide - individually or combined. It boggles the mind how far we have strayed from such happy blessings, but fortunately all is not lost. We can recover the art of seduction in both the kitchen and the bedroom, with minimal effort, if we awaken to better options than what is now accepted as norm. Truly we deserve a better path to pleasure.
I’ll even help you get started by setting the potential scene for you. (Since this will get messy, perhaps a towel or two strategically placed may be a practical aid.) Pick your location to play. A bedroom softly lit with candles is always a nice spot. However a comfy couch, a sturdy island bar in your kitchen to lay your partner on, or even an outdoor pool area under the stars would make a perfect spot to explore. (Swimsuits optional if you have the privacy to go au natural.)
Mix the chocolate paint ahead of time and chill it for best results. Or if you and your partner want to have some fun together immediately, prep it and then let the games commence. Play music - sexy, fun, silly - the choice is yours. And then…
Begin to feast…perhaps a dab on the neck, the crevice of your collarbone, Don’t immediately go to the body parts so popular to exploit in censored photos. Tickle the navel with a tongue, nibble on a bottom lip. Dab a bit on your partner’s nose and laugh. Draw shapes or leave a cheeky handprint that you have to lick off. Smear to your heart’s content.
I promise you’ll thank me later.
Tink’s Totally Decadent Chocolate Paint recipe
Measure the cacao into a bowl, then add vanilla, and a tablespoon of water. With a fork begin to mix, adding water or milk as needed until it dissolves in the liquid - keeping it thick enough to paint with. Drizzle in the honey or agave and mix more. Taste and adjust sweetness as needed. Pour into a smaller bowl once thoroughly mixed. Chill in fridge prior to play for best results.
Enjoy painting and tasting. ;)
*1 From OHSU Center for Women’s Health “The Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life”
*2 From Healthline “7 Proven Benefits of Dark Chocolate” https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/7-health-benefits-dark-chocolate
*3 From Nourish by WedMD “Chocolate: Are there benefits?” https://www.webmd.com/diet/health-benefits-chocolate#1
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Tink, world traveler, positivity muse, and adult entertainer, has also freelance written for a number of companies as their ghostwriter. Now talking directly to YOU on this platform, she is also writing two books at her community's request.