So today, in a reminder that I am responsible for fighting for my own freedom too, I decided to publish a poem I wrote in October of 2021 after finally getting out of an abusive situation. Originally titled "Fool's Gold", I renamed it when I realized the heart of the poem was fighting for one's personal freedom.
Whether it be untangling yourself from the trappings of a life you don't want, extraction from a horrible situation, freeing yourself from the clutches of what society claims you "must have" to live a worthy life, or surviving a time when personal freedoms are no longer a given, this poem is really about the perseverance of the human spirit.
When you need to summon your courage my loves, I hope you find the strength to fly.
Sharing this poem is my gift to you.
Happy Independence Day.
When you smiled at me
I felt the light curl up under my toes
And make gravity a little less
As though I could float away
Drunk on the power of a single glance
And like any addict
Needing her fix
I spent the best part of me
On anything, on everything
Cause one more curl of the lips in an upward movement
And your gaze to soften
Like it did the first time you looked at me
That initial smile was like a loss liter sale
And delivering fools gold
Too blinded by the glitz and glitter
The likes of which I had never experienced before
Bought the whole package
At a cost of more than I could afford to spare
Frantically I searched for the exit
But at every turn you blocked my efforts
With a half smile
A partial compliment
“Love is here” you taunted me
“But if you leave too early
You’ll never find it”
Now a good salesman knows how
To keep the client on the ropes
Dizzy with anticipation
Pining after that which is promised
No clocks, so they don’t know how long they’ve spent
Browsing and hoping that the next find is the real deal
Pumping the music a little higher
And the heart will beat fast ..in fear? Love?
Are they the same?
Distracted I missed the fine print
The one that said
“If you stay, the rollercoaster will never end.
If you leave, you forfeit all you have”
However even the best of salesmen
Can’t keep the pitch fresh forever
One day you slipped
And all that glittered
Shattered into the cheap glass it was…
I woke up to find myself locked
Not in a store, but a prison
A mirage of illusions barring every escape route
So I climbed
Faster and frantically
Practically feeling your hands clawing at my feet
As you screamed
“It’s not closing time yet.
You’ll leave when I say the deal is done.”
Now half running
I pushed myself up
Flight after flight of stairs
To the one doorway you forgot to block
Busting into daylight
I suddenly found myself at the edge
I looked back to find
Walking towards me
That first smile on your face
A thousand promises on your lips
And your hand outstretched
“It’s here” you whispered
Snake oil oozed off every step
“You know what’s here…but out there, nothing is sure”
You stepped closer
I stepped backwards teetering on the edge
“It will be different this time…”
But the words you spoke were empty
They breathed stale in the brightness of an open sky
“I don’t want to see you fall”
I turned my head
Gazed at what I now knew to be the first rays of a sun
Shining hopefully on the still sleeping city.
“You won’t,” I whispered.
“I intend to fly”
And then…I jumped…
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Tink, world traveler, positivity muse, and adult entertainer, has also freelance written for a number of companies as their ghostwriter. Now talking directly to YOU on this platform, she is also writing two books at her community's request.