He had seemed really into me, and I thought he was nice and cute and the whole experience was pleasant. But I had made it clear I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and, although I was open to seeing him again, I literally had no time available for him in the coming week. Between my office gig, my full time content creation business, four dance classes, previous plans and commitments, plus being on deadline for an article, there were no extra hours in the day to see this man. A clear case of “it’s not you, it’s me” because I HAD indicated that I was open to seeing him again soon. Just. Not. This. Week.
At least, I thought I had been clear. Extremely upfront. We flirted back and forth in texts. It was playful, except, I felt this undercurrent of …well, something. Initially I couldn’t put my finger on it. And then I realized…he pushed. He came up with excuses why he should have time with me. Like he wanted to drop off food even though we hadn’t planned to see each other, and his doing so would require me waiting up for him. Sweet on the surface, but exhausting when considering my schedule.
But at first it WAS flattering, and I tried to respond with interest back so he wouldn’t get the impression that I didn’t like him. I even sent a cute video after he requested pics of my face since he missed me. (Before you all get too randy, the video I sent was completely innocent. A goofy one of me wishing him a good night since he was still at work.) But then it become a bit too much. And soon - very soon considering I had just met him in person only a few days earlier - I began to feel suffocated.
So three days after we hung out for the first and only time, I sent a text explaining it wasn’t working. That he was a great guy but that he wasn’t respecting the boundaries I set for my time. That I wished him all the best. It was a very clear and polite text. I was extremely careful to acknowledge that I was glad to know him. But this kind of interaction just wasn’t working for me.
Now before we go any further, may I remind you that none of us are under ANY obligation to another human. If at any point we do not want to continue a relationship, as free and sovereign beings we have the right to say no to the connection. Period. No exceptions. I didn’t have to even give a reason. But I am not a cruel person, and I don’t believe in ghosting. So I sent the message with the best of intentions because I also don’t believe in stringing people along.
I do understand this kind of text isn’t what someone wants to receive. But if I was already feeling this way after one date and only a few days had passed, I couldn’t imagine how I would feel continuing on with him. And since we are all adults here, at least I thought we were, I felt this was the best way to handle things.
Clearly he didn’t agree. At first he sent back a defensive text. Then a “I’m confused” text. Then at midnight the next day on my social media he responded to a question I posed to my followers about manifesting with “Trying to get this girl I really like to talk to me again. I never meant to offend her.”
But BEFORE I could even see that last message since he sent it around midnight (while I was asleep), three hours later the text that started this story was sent to my phone. And it was vile. Full of spite and malicious intent. It was longer than I posted here, but you get the general idea from that one line.
Now remember, his poor behavior came about all because I exercised my right, as a human, to tell a man, “thank you for a lovely evening but I don’t want to pursue this further.”
Girls like me…
Such an interesting turn of phrase. I found it fascinating that it was a girl like me that attracted this person. But when he didn’t get the response he wanted, a girl like me was deemed “less than” worthy of his attentions (to use much more polite phrasing than the contents of his text). So which is a girl like me? Desirable? Or not? And since obviously he can’t make up his mind about that, what does that say about boys like him?
I’ll leave that last question alone. Instead let me tell you about girls like me.
Girls like me may view the world with love and positivity, but don’t mistake our sparkly outlook for weakness. We are stronger than steel forged in the fires of Hades because many of us have been to hell and back. And yet we still act with bravery in facing the world openly, authentically, and without any malice towards those who left scars both seen and unseen. Forgiveness take strength. Letting go of animosity towards those who did the most harm, takes courage.
Girls like me are powerful. We look at life and see challenges as opportunities for growth. We tell the Universe that we are ready for all the possibilities that come our way. And then we don’t make excuses for our choices - even if they don’t turn out the way we hoped. We learn and move on.
Girls like me OWN their bodies and sexuality and sensuality. We set clear boundaries and make no apologies for having desires. Should we take on a partner situation, it’s with someone who is able to stand BESIDE us - without being threatened by us knowing what we want out of life. Girls like me know they do not exist simply to serve others, and fully understand our worth. We don’t just bring something to the table. We built the damn table.
As for those messages, well, let me tell you something else about girls like me. We clearly communicate. We set the example for being respectful. And we do not condone behavior that degrades the instigator much more than the person to whom they are lashing out at. In other words, we don’t text back people throwing tantrums. And we are not hurt by the opinions of those who are so capricious in their affections that a polite rejection would send them off the deep end.
By the way, the week when all of this was occurring was actually pretty amazing. My office gig was busy, I felt useful and of value to my associate, and my clients were wonderful. I adore my dance classes, and learned some new techniques. My article flowed, and was submitted the night before the deadline. Even my subscriber content turned out FIRE that week. And I spent some wonderful time over weekend interacting with dear friends - who I had made plans with previously. So I’m relating the story NOT because this human was able to adversely affect my happy life.
As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought if he hadn’t used that one simple phrase… “girls like you”. For some reason, it was stuck in my head, and suddenly during a meditation this morning I understood why.
See girls like me are pretty fucking awesome. And the world needs more of us.
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Tink, world traveler, positivity muse, and adult entertainer, has also freelance written for a number of companies as their ghostwriter. Now talking directly to YOU on this platform, she is also writing two books at her community's request.