An open letter to the USA:

"I have no words. I have a lot of words." - Tink

It’s Friday, November 8, 2024. I’m sitting at a coffee shop. In a town I love. After stopping by to check on my wonderful hair stylist. A gay man who is scared about what the election results mean for him and his husband. 

Earlier today I texted some of my transgender friends. They had to pull their child out of school for a day because she was so scared. They are checking their passports to make sure they are in order. Not because they want to leave the country. But because they are afraid they won’t be able to get a passport in the future. Or at least one that correctly identifies them. 

My favorite librarian is worried about his disabled sister’s benefits as the day care center has already made her feel like her care is in jeopardy. He is working two jobs as it is, to make sure his family is cared for properly. 

It’s barely been 48 hours since the election results were announced and I know of no one in my close friend group who is NOT experiencing shock, horror, fear, anger, disappointment, sadness, or a myriad of other negative emotions.

​And to those who are ready to call us all crybabies, this was NOT a simple election of two separate parties. This was a travesty in which a convicted felon, sex offender, misogynist, homophobic, racist, narcissistic white man with a lot of money and power backing him in the most evil disgusting ways, WON the race.

​I have no words.
I have a lot of words.

Because I can’t understand this outcome. 

Can it really be that the people of my country would rather have a man, any man, over a woman president?

Is this country so filled with ignorance and hatred that a criminal who spews nonsense and venom, is preferable to someone with a modicum of intelligence?

Does this nation hate women so much, or people of color, or anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, or show such disregard for the lives of children, or care so little about education and health care and basic human rights, that we knowingly voted a puppet dictator into the highest office of the land?

I’m fucking terrified right now.
 
And yet I’m one of the lucky ones. Because on paper, I’m a white woman, considered educated and middle class, so I know I have privilege.

But I’m also a queer bisexual sex worker, who is polyamorous, unmarried, and childless with no intentions of ever having a baby. 

I’ve already experienced what it means to be a woman in this country. And it’s not all freedom and privilege. For example, in 2017, shortly after the last election, I remember asking my FEMALE OBGYN about the possibility of having my tubes tied. She point blank REFUSED to give me information citing as her reasoning:

“What if your future husband wants children? Doesn’t he get a say?”

That answer - from a woman - floored me. 

In case you don’t understand what just happened in that example, a health care professional denied me access to medical information on the basis that a man who did not exist might want to use me as a reproductive vehicle. And apparently my decision to not have children was not up to me, at least according to her.

And here we are 8 years later. Roe vs Wade has been overturned. The Oompah Loompa was just voted as our next President. And this week already, heinous humans who identify as male, have gone online proudly wearing shirts that say “Your body. My choice.”

Is it any wonder I’m afraid - even with all of my so-called privilege?

But I’m not just scared. 
I’m furious. 

I’m so angry I want to scream and yell and hit…something. For a moment, I understand the legends of goddesses and witches so angry that their passion burns the world into ashes.

Because it is unfathomable to me that the self-proclaimed “greatest nation in the world” is full of such ignorant people.

Or is it that unbelievable?

When I drove across country in 2023, I was staggered by the vast food deserts I found. Whole regions in which a proper grocery store was 10 miles from much of it’s population. Without any access to public transportation, people were shopping for “groceries” at a gas station. I witnessed a family laugh as their toddler pulled open a 3 liter of soda and start sipping from it like a baby bottle. 

Surprised at the lack of basic common sense shown by that family? 
I’m not. 
Do we want to guess at the level of education those people have had access to?

With no robust gun laws, we have schools in which children fear for their safety, instead of focusing on learning. And let’s not forget that geography, health, and multicultural literature, has been eradicated by many of our State’s education plans. Books are not just banned, but burned. Publicly. And posted gleefully on social media.

Hell, I’m not even sure what the history books say now. But even when I was in school, they weren’t factual unbiased reporting of world events. And nutrition isn’t even on the curriculum for doctors in our country. Do you really think the average person has a clue about good health?

We need information, learning, knowledge about basics such as nutrition. Because what we feed our bodies, affects our brains. Yet even the most privileged among us seem to have no problem with what we feed our brains. There is no such common practice of fact checking information in today's day and age. We get our news from TikTok, and our science from Google. 

And it’s not just the Standard American Diet that is sad anymore. Despite being a country of “privilege”, mental illness is on the rise. Life coaching is a multimillionaire industry because people are depressed and unaligned with what feels good, let alone is healthy. Motivational groups spout fear driven tidbits like “grind until you drop”, and “be a lone wolf so no one steals your ideas”. Isolation practices are on the rise. Minimum wage doesn't afford us minimum necessities. And we are taught to "love our neighbors" as part of an idealized religious doctrine (no longer kept separate from our education system or our courts), but only if they look like us. Meaning they should be white “Americans” - whatever that means now.

We finally have language in the common vernacular to self identify our genders, sexuality, and life preferences. But instead of embracing our beautiful diversity, we applaud toxic masculinity and a version of femininity that is more limiting than in Victorian times. We encourage women to spend our time getting a man, instead of developing our minds, bodies and spirits. And to be submissive to the desires of cis gendered men, the government, and anyone who wants to use and abuse us. 

Heaven help us if we are assaulted too. The people who are meant to protect us ask questions like “what were you wearing when he saw you [and raped you]?” Or we are called liars for speaking up at all. We vilify women on social media for having bodies or sex drives, or periods, and in real life force them to make choices between being criminals or getting access to needed health care. 

There’s a post going around social media right now which “reminds” women that we CAN get medically induced abortions IF a patient can provide “documentation of rape, incest, or human trafficking”. (Does that mean our rapist has to sign off on the permission slip?) Or if TWO doctors “AGREE IN WRITING” that the fetus has a fatal abnormality” Or that we can do so if “TWO DOCTORS AGREE IN WRITING” that the patient’s life is at risk. But already, pre-election, we have seen stories of numerous women being denied access to medically necessary abortions, and thus DYING. 

DYING.

We are ignoring the fact that women are not considered FULLY AUTONOMOUS humans simply by virtue of the fact that we are denied the right to decide what is best for our own bodies. Not to mention that half the country believes that there is such a thing as a “post birth abortion” that they must “protect children from”. (There is no such thing as that. And yet we have educated officials spouting off such nonsense to thunderous applause at rallies.)

Let’s not forget those who claim “blue is for boys, and pink is for girls” as they bar bathroom doors, rip away Title X protections, and deny gender affirming care to those in need. Because “we must protect the children”. But the children are dying from gun violence, suicide, mental health issues, abusive family situations, and bullying tactics. 

No one is safe anymore.

I was appalled when I saw 1st generation American women, that I knew personally, proudly proclaim they voted for Trump. These were women I had sat with as they cried and talked about sexual assault. Or the fact that they were having trouble bringing their parents to live here in the States. Or that they had an abortion years ago which had saved their lives. 

Were they so disconnected from their own experiences? Or did they simply not give a fuck that their actions now damned a woman who might have to deal with such matters in the future?

So yeah I’m PISSED.

Mostly at myself. 
For not doing more. 
Not speaking up. 
Not using my voice to say WHAT THE FUCK every single time I heard Trump open his mouth. 

I'm MAD that I wasn't more open about the fact that I am a child of abuse, a survivor of sexual assault, an intelligent woman who has CHOSEN to be childless, and supports the right of EVERY HUMAN to live without fear for their safety, and with the same freedoms that I (supposedly on paper still) enjoy.

I don’t think it is hubris to think I could have made more of a difference. Not just in the election results, but also in the world. I have a small following on various social media platforms. People seem to listen when I speak or write. In the past few days, many have turned to me for comfort or to ask “now what?’ as though I would have answers.

The truth is I don’t have answers.
But I could have done more. 
I can do more now. 

A friend said to me she doesn’t think there is much that can be done until the NEXT election. But I don’t believe that. 

For the past several days, I keep asking myself questions like:

How can I help?
Where can I make a difference?
Can I write or say things in a way that brings light OR hope OR highlights anything of value?

We are hurting as a country. This election opened a wound that has only begun to bleed. But we don’t have to leave it this way. 

I want to heal or help or make something better. 
I need to create, not stand silent as the world I love is destroyed. 

Perhaps I am silly to think that anything I write or say or do would ever make a difference.

But every time I think of the results of this election, my heart screams that I can NOT do NOTHING. I’ve got to try to do something that makes me feel like I’m useful or of value or helping at least ONE person. 

One person.
Help one person other than myself.
I can start there.
So can you.

I despise feeling helpless. I’m not. You’re not. There must be something I can do, you can do, even on a small scale, to make a difference in this world. 

So to my home country, I am disappointed in us (to put it mildly). This sucks. We can and must do better, and be better. 

The next four years has not been written in the history books yet. 
Are you ready to make a real change?

Because our very lives, and the lives of those we love, depend on us no longer staying silent. Otherwise hate wins. And I’ll be damned if I’m going down and watching my rights, and those of everyone I love, be destroyed.

If November 6, 2024, wasn’t a wake up call to say ENOUGH, I don’t know what would be. And while I do not have all the answers, or any answers, I know this…

I love you.

And some things are worth fighting for.  
Like me.
Like you.

We are worth it.

Xoxo
Tink

PS - I know I have barely touched on the things many of us are worried about right now. And I know there are wars going on, and people dying, and people of all colors and ethnicities being terrorized by my own government. Please remember: This is only one post, hopefully one of many to come, and I know I am only skimming the surface of everything wrong with the world right now. There is much to be said. Much to be done. Be kind when you read and respond to this. I'm trying. Let's try together. 

---

Have something to say? Feel free to comment below. Want to support Tink's writings? Click the Cashapp link here to become a patron of her work!