A lesson in Love

​I once had a man of God, a preacher, tell me I was full of hubris and headed straight for damnation. He was furious because I told him I didn’t need a poorly written book, and sitting quietly in a big building being lectured at weekly, to know how best to live my life.

Perhaps I should have phrased it a bit differently.

After all, he was very concerned for my soul.
I, however, wasn’t sure he knew what my soul looked like.

He angrily asked HOW I KNEW right from wrong, if HE (or someone like him instructed in the ways of GOD - all caps emphatic in his voice) hadn’t told me what was what?

​Surely if I just READ said BOOK (all caps as well in his tone)…

But I had read THE BOOK. And I never understood how a god that acted so angry and punishing and seemed to think this beautiful world was meant to be suffered through, could possibly represent me or that thing they called my soul…

And as for right or wrong…wasn’t it simple?

​Hurting myself or others or this beautiful planet intentionally, well that was wrong.

Trying to learn and grow, uplift and support, encourage and love and spread kindness and compassion…that was right.  Wasn’t it?

I understand the draw of organized religion. On the surface, it seems to create connection, offer space for healing, help to guide people when unsure of what to do.

But whenever I have investigated further, it appears that most organized religions seem to create a strict list of rules which limits human capabilities, imaginations, and possibilities. 

The connection they create too, is unnatural to me. Because it advocates for a separate minuscule community, within a larger community. But unlike other subgroups, it subtly sends a message that humanity is an “us” and “them” - instead of a beautiful “we”.

This (religious) grouping manifests as “everyone who believes the same” versus “the rest of the world which we either need to convert to our way of thinking or consider our enemy meant to tempt us into some kind of trouble”.

That sort of logic inspires fear, hate, division among humankind. Ironic for groups who claim the monopoly on knowing what LOVE really is. 

As though it can only truly be felt when offered by an invisible energy who demands we love it, or else face it’s wrath.

Not gonna lie. That sounds like an abusive relationship encouraging toxic behaviors, instead of PURE love.

I made the mistake of trying to rationally explain this line of thinking to the preacher man. It didn’t go over well. Nor did my proclamation, that I see LOVE and feel it, every day.

But my day to day life IS full of LOVE. Take yesterday for example. 

I showed love for a fellow human when I had heard he had been hospitalized for appendicitis recently. My former hairdresser, I had spent many hours in his chair while he dyed my hair and offered fatherly advice to this little fairy misfit. So as soon as I was home, I walked over to his shop for a “drive by hugging” as I like to call it. And as we embraced he assured me that he was now fine, but was happy I checked on him. 

Isn’t that LOVE for a friend?

I witnessed love later in the day. When I ran into a newer member of my wonderful tribe of friends. She came to the town I live in recently and has already brought so much joy to my life in our conversations. She invited me into her apartment and took the time to show me her beautiful paintings - explaining the story behind each one. I could see the passion in her eyes as she shared these personal works. 

LOVE for her craft was evident in every brush stroke.

I felt love when I walked over to a PRIDE event - held just on the other side of the river from where I live. I saw it in the eyes of friends who were genuinely happy to see me, and allowed me to hang with them in their bakery booth. 

I heard it in the voices of strangers as they called out “Happy Pride” to one another and complimented each other’s fun festive outfits. I experienced waves of positive emotions observing people who, for a few moments at least, were able to just BE  and CELEBRATE who they are, in a SAFE supportive environment. 

(Note: I am also one of these people, and so the PRIDE event felt very much like being at home with friends - even when among strangers.)

And later in the evening, I stopped by a cool music event held in the parking lot of a local business. LOVE was everywhere in this small space. 

From friends greeting one another, to the genuine enjoyment of the music, to the laughter and conversation around me, there was nothing that would have made me feel anything but this beautiful emotion of LOVE.

I flash back to the conversation that day with the preacher man. I could hear him in my mind telling me that this was just an illusion of love. That love from the flesh (how he referred to my fellow humans) didn’t count. That I still NEEDED to repent and come into the fold in order to experience the JOY of REAL LOVE from God. 

How funny, that a man so full of anger, seemed to think he knew what LOVE is. As though sitting every week listening to someone tell me how bad I am, and how I need to live a certain way would LEAD ME to LOVE. Because only he - and those trained in the GOOD BOOK - knew what LOVE is. 

I’m pretty sure he was wrong. As my favorite character Inigo Montoya said, ”You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Because the life I LIVE, is full of LOVE. So I’m going to keep living it my way. 

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